Back On Track: Rebirth, Warriors and Pirates

Summer is coming to an end over here. Soon, everything will be all about school again, and social life drama and the love for sleep. So, how am I today? These past few days? First of all, I had just discovered the power of breathing. Taking deep breaths is very useful as simple as it may be.

My life is not yet all sparkles and glitter. I know it's never going to work that way. What I'm sure is that I am taking on a journey jammed with optimism and the hope that all will turn out well. My motivation is slowly creeping back in, and other than my blog, I'm back to writing my stories which have been left for quite some time now.

I'm slowly going back to being me. Recently, I have a few minor health problems which reminds me to have a healthier lifestyle. Currently, I'm suffering an ear infection and sinusitis brought by a day full of swimming, which was last week.

I'm going through a transformation these days: a good transformation though! I'm not saying it isn't easy. Especially when I'm weak and cranky these days. I haven't gotten out since early May. I miss seeing the moon every night, witnessing it's gradual changes, the trees bearing orange flowers, the cats, the roosters, the stars and most importantly, feeling the night breeze, but soon I'll be leaving once again to be alone, for school.

The fires of life are going back into me. I can't wait to feel the vibrating passion once again, to rise from the ashes and slay the new school year with my blazing spears and lances.

I'm sick of living like a zombie. I'm sick of submitting to what other people want me to do. I know it sounds selfish but I need some time to be me too. The wrong people may have came and left from my domain, but that doesn't mean the right people aren't coming my way.

There are 7 billion people in the world. Why worry and take pressure on a selected few and allow them ruin your life?

Oh, and I've gotten back into RPG gaming as well. Old school gaming, to specifically point out.

The best thing I've learned is that beyond weapons, armor and cool pets, warriors need to have a proper attitude. There is a lot to work on: Skills training, experience, and leveling up. There are times when they experience death, but we need to do it again to get past it. We need to work on leveling up and remove the fear of failing, or lets say, dying. Warriors need to have a positive mind, that they can take down every monster they encounter. It won't be easy but in the end there will be rewards through gold, and something that is far more precious: Experience. Once received, it cannot be spent or stolen.

I like the warrior attitude. All my childhood I'd like to see myself as a warrior-princess. I'm a damsel who likes to play it rough, yet not cheap. I'm not even physically strong, try letting me punch you, heck you won't even feel a thing. I'd like to show my battle maiden attitude through life: That I'm strong, and can be independent, reliable, and can get past difficulties with grace of course. I'm setting my eyes on the crown, knowing that one day, I will be ready to be Queen. I will be an awesome woman who respects herself, is mature, wise, with a heart of gold and glitter, becoming a living sunflower, scattering positivity and wisdom to the world.

Times may be tough now, but it will just pass and I know it will get better. Of course, I need to also do my part to make it better. Work cannot be achieved by just being static. It's basic Physics.

So, last words, flockmates? Don't give up. We can do this. We can eventually live our dreams. Let go of the past, but keep the memories and the lessons learned. Live for the present moment and enjoy every single morsel of today because you'll never get another 'today', EVER. Also, keep an eye on the future, but don't be too submerged into it. Set a vision. Have a picture of what you'd like to see yourself years from now. Be like a pirate who, even though he can't see a thing but endless water, knows he'll find land. He envisions it, that everyday he checks if there is land on sight. He doesn't just sit there and wait, he steers his wheel, keeps track of the stars and does other pirate-y stuff. Eventually after months or weeks of hardwork, he eventually finds land. And think about all the gold he'll have!

You can do it, I believe in you! Keep on living, loving and learning! xoxo

Honesty Sets Us Free

I had a friend. I exaggerate on the ‘had’. We met when I joined this organization, and I don’t know if it’s just me but we kind off had a happy moment together because we happened to connect in so many things in so little time. It was surprising. It was a storm. I was totally taken by surprise, by him.

We hanged out for two days, but suddenly he stopped from the third.

It was almost heart-breaking. Why? He set my hopes up high that finally I would have a friend that I could totally relate with. I was excited, imagining the days ahead. Maybe we would talk all about our fave topics, or maybe laugh at some awesome joke we made.

The sudden disappearance brought me to limbo. Everytime I make conversation, he would just give me short responses. I don’t know why. People sometimes teased us that we’re a couple, but I’m sure he’s mature enough not to care! The thing here is, the thought of wanting to know why bothered me more than ever.

I wanted to say it over Facebook, but it doesn’t seem to be a likely place for it. I can’t say it in real life because we’re barely friends anymore.

At one point I decided ‘what if I won’t say a thing?!’ but then the thought still annoys me and I had a strong urge to just say what I needed to say.

And guess what? Eventually, I did. It took me a couple rewrites to do it. One time I thought I made the perfect message, but doubt took me in, and so I  deleted everything. Actually, I literally exited the entire browser as soon as I realized I had clicked ‘send’.

But then it became more than that. Minutes after sending it, I felt a huge wave of euphoria. I was tremendously happy, because I felt like I was free! But not yet, though. I still don’t know his answer. What would his response be? Well, that doesn’t matter! I feel like I don’t care anymore! Because for once,  I told the truth and I’ve never felt so in tune with myself in such a long time.

I was so happy, that I thought maybe I should be more honest often.  Honestly literally freed me from fear. The truth will truly set us free. So, what is really holding us back from saying what we really want? The chains of doubt, fear, and negativity. They are monsters we need to fight.

Anyway, flockmates. I finally did it!!! I am so, so so so happy.

I may or may not lose a friend tonight, but atleast I can finally sleep much better, and live easier because I know I have the ability to free the truth. I can never know what’s on the other side, that’s why I asked! I can’t read his frickin’ mind, for god’s sake! But that doesn’t matter, the honesty I gave acted like a layer of armor over me. Even if he leaves this very second, at least I had closure, and there’s no other thing every relationship need than closure, and honesty.

I tell you, nothing compares to the feeling freedom gives.  Finally, The Nothingale finally figured out how to be utterly free. Not only can I sing about my feelings, but I am slowly in a journey to unravel how to sing every piece of morsel in my mind to the world. This freedom may help me soar higher than I ever thought I could be.

Last words, flockmates? Just say how you feel, and then celebrate it afterwards because in this world where honesty is a lonely trait, you did it. You are an awesome, honest person.

And to be honest? I love you, Internet peeps! I wish you with all my might the best in your lives!!

When Anxiety Strikes

If there is one thing I wish to erase in this world, it would totally be Anxiety and Depression and all other mental illnesses.

They are evil clouds. The people they attack are pulled down, and they strike hard and even it isn't painful physically, it still has a great impact on the life they hurt. 

Those people may have dreams, principles, values, and they may have good hearts, are willing to help others and change the world. They have a huge capacity for love, their goals may help others, they might save lives, make others smile, comfort a hurting soul or are great powerhouse talented individuals.... 

All bombarded with the blight of Anxiety.

Awhile ago, another bout of Social Anxiety struck me while simply buying groceries. It was supposed to be a mall outing with me and my sisters.

But then my anxiety attacked.

These diseases of the mind prohibit me from being the best self there could be. I'm sure they do the same to thousands of people out there too. I mean, I can't live life simply staying at home! I want to go out, to make friends because I have a hundred dreams to fulfill and I wish to make others smile and be free! 

Anxiety should be brought to a stop. Because its one factor, a hindrance to promoting positive change in the world. Where in great people are afraid to fully release themselves. People with dreams. With passion and plans. Anxiety is a B and unlike Karma, it brings nothing good to our minds but negativity. Anxiety is good sometimes, yes. The classic Fight or Flight reaction... But if there is something I would like to add, it would be Free. Because besides from those two Fs, Anxiety holds back a person's freedom. 

.

.

.

I wish you all who are reading this happiness and an anxiety-free day :)