Honesty Sets Us Free

I had a friend. I exaggerate on the ‘had’. We met when I joined this organization, and I don’t know if it’s just me but we kind off had a happy moment together because we happened to connect in so many things in so little time. It was surprising. It was a storm. I was totally taken by surprise, by him.

We hanged out for two days, but suddenly he stopped from the third.

It was almost heart-breaking. Why? He set my hopes up high that finally I would have a friend that I could totally relate with. I was excited, imagining the days ahead. Maybe we would talk all about our fave topics, or maybe laugh at some awesome joke we made.

The sudden disappearance brought me to limbo. Everytime I make conversation, he would just give me short responses. I don’t know why. People sometimes teased us that we’re a couple, but I’m sure he’s mature enough not to care! The thing here is, the thought of wanting to know why bothered me more than ever.

I wanted to say it over Facebook, but it doesn’t seem to be a likely place for it. I can’t say it in real life because we’re barely friends anymore.

At one point I decided ‘what if I won’t say a thing?!’ but then the thought still annoys me and I had a strong urge to just say what I needed to say.

And guess what? Eventually, I did. It took me a couple rewrites to do it. One time I thought I made the perfect message, but doubt took me in, and so I  deleted everything. Actually, I literally exited the entire browser as soon as I realized I had clicked ‘send’.

But then it became more than that. Minutes after sending it, I felt a huge wave of euphoria. I was tremendously happy, because I felt like I was free! But not yet, though. I still don’t know his answer. What would his response be? Well, that doesn’t matter! I feel like I don’t care anymore! Because for once,  I told the truth and I’ve never felt so in tune with myself in such a long time.

I was so happy, that I thought maybe I should be more honest often.  Honestly literally freed me from fear. The truth will truly set us free. So, what is really holding us back from saying what we really want? The chains of doubt, fear, and negativity. They are monsters we need to fight.

Anyway, flockmates. I finally did it!!! I am so, so so so happy.

I may or may not lose a friend tonight, but atleast I can finally sleep much better, and live easier because I know I have the ability to free the truth. I can never know what’s on the other side, that’s why I asked! I can’t read his frickin’ mind, for god’s sake! But that doesn’t matter, the honesty I gave acted like a layer of armor over me. Even if he leaves this very second, at least I had closure, and there’s no other thing every relationship need than closure, and honesty.

I tell you, nothing compares to the feeling freedom gives.  Finally, The Nothingale finally figured out how to be utterly free. Not only can I sing about my feelings, but I am slowly in a journey to unravel how to sing every piece of morsel in my mind to the world. This freedom may help me soar higher than I ever thought I could be.

Last words, flockmates? Just say how you feel, and then celebrate it afterwards because in this world where honesty is a lonely trait, you did it. You are an awesome, honest person.

And to be honest? I love you, Internet peeps! I wish you with all my might the best in your lives!!

Not The Right Mix?

This is somewhat a sequel to the post before this: Live, Love,Learn: That's Life! 

If you haven't read that one, then you might not understand some things here but if you persist, then you are always free to do so.

Anyway, I asked a question to the Universe yesterday, and guess what? Fate answered me with an emotional disturbance. Fate broke my heart, boohoo, and no I didn't eat lots of ice cream, watched romance movies and an entire roll of tissue paper crying my heart out: It was just a little ache.

Despite the size, pain is still pain, and I tell you, it still hurts. If I were to compare it, it would be a little cut while real heartbreak is a broken bone.

So what made my heart break in pieces, you may wonder? But nah, I won't talk about it here. Let's just say it's a relationship that just wasn't meant to be and isn't supposed to be there in the first place. He's moving on and I've just got out from my shell. I wanted to enjoy myself and the open air first but then he suddenly popped out like Freddy Frazbear. Eeesh, creepy.

I already knew this would happen from the very first day I met him, when we got to know each other a bit. I had the feeling I was bound to be a rebound. Hey, at least that rhymes, right?

Anyway, Fate really responded well, that I'm not ready for all this. In fact, I wasn't even ready at all, to begin with. Before all these happened, I was focusing my energy on honing my hobbies and improving myself. I was trying to find 'Me'. Well, I know she's here but I don't feel her. I'm in a limbo and supposedly I wasn't to be disturbed.

I need to "Be with myself and center, clarity, peace, and serenity.' as Fergie sang.

But yay! Thank Universe for my mini-ache. But perhaps blame it on PMS for the heightened mood. Maybe that's why my pain is amplified.

Soooo I think I should end it here.

xoxoxoxox   Final word, Flockmates?  Sometimes things don't happen the way you expect them to be because maybe it's just not the right mix. Always remember to never worry, because creating the perfect taste needs a lot of taste-testing and re-dos. Soon, we'll eventually meet that perfect mix, and by that time, you'll say to yourself. "Hey, this is worth all the tears, years and heartbreaks!".

Love and learn, as always.






Little, tiny bit of last words: Oh my, Or perhaps I was just overreacting/overthinking? :o