I Was The One That Got Away

I’ll never forget that one night. The stars were out, the crickets chirp and you wanted to meet up. I couldn’t resist, because I felt like I was stuffed inside my house for too long. Besides, I also wanted to feel the night atmosphere, watch the stars and feel the cool wind blowing against me.

When he said he loved me, I had doubt building at the back of my mind. I remember the words of Elsa from Frozen: “You can’t marry a man you just met.” The same goes for ‘love’. I don’t believe in ‘love at first sight’. I do believe that two people can instantly connect with one another at first glance, but love needs more than that.

I didn’t trust him yet. It was all too soon.

I swear I saw the hurt in his eyes the moment I backed away from him, when I told him I had to leave. It was an act out of impulse. For a moment, I allowed my inner self to control my actions. He was too advanced, too quick for my healing heart.

He should’ve known better that trust is not so easily earned! I want my guy to not only be my lover, but a best friend. I’m usually the kind of person who likes to see the good side of people, who appreciates everyone for who they are, but that doesn’t mean I’ll love every guy that comes knocking at my door. My heart and mind are two different things. I can like you, understand you, and talk with you because all it takes is a different point of view but the heart is not so easily changed.

I do believe that love can be achieved through respect, trust and mutual understanding. The kind of love that needs effort, time, and a lot of communication to work. I can’t really say I fully believe the concept of Soulmates and Fate. I’d like to believe they’re true. That there is someone out there designed just for you.

What I do know for sure is that, every person we meet brings us something new to learn, mostly in ourselves.

So, do I regret leaving him torn, in the darkness and silence, just when he was hoping to see me? I felt guilty as I recalled his expression as I left. I never intend to hurt people, even those who hurt me or who I have to hurt. That’s why I’m a sucker for love: I’m too soft, sensitive and sweet. Fortunately, I have a mind who reminds me to do the right thing. My heart screamed that I should immediately take back my words and enjoy the night with him, but my head’s gently reminding me that this isn’t what I wanted in the first place, that I’m just going to do it out of pity, not of love.

I think I should have no regrets at all, because I did my part by being completely honest. The moment I reached home, I phoned him and said sorry and explained that I couldn’t love someone I barely know and trust. I was hurting him  a bit, but I was being honest to myself. At least I put a premature end to a budding relationship that was bound to go nowhere. I’m actually doing us a favor by saving time, effort and tears.

This is the part when the climax is hanging by a thread. What happened tonight may only lead to the following events in the next few days:

1.)    He’ll hate me forever, thus finding another girl

2.)    He’ll understand and he’ll reflect on his actions and we may talk

3.)    He’ll go the extra mile by still being friends with me and we’ll undergo a lot of the ‘getting-to-know’ stage and who knows what we’ll both find?

Yes, I am friendzoning him. Actually, I’m friendzoning every guy that comes my way because I know I’m not ready. The friendzone doesn’t mean it’s the end of a relationship. Sometimes, the girl likes the guy but is just isn’t ready to say she loves him back! Love is amazing but it isn’t as chill and laidback as we think it is: it isn’t instant, it doesn’t always go your way and most importantly, it isn’t perfect.

Final words, flockmates? Honesty and open communication are two key components in relationships. It would be better if feelings were spilled before than leaked horribly after. Breaking it up to someone sucks. Honestly, it hurts us too, but not as much as the other one. As the time-old quote says: Prevention is better than cure. It’s the same in love too. Don’t go into a relationship if it doesn’t feel right for you. Everyone deserves to be with someone they love. By breaking it slowly into your soon ex, you’re doing them a favor because you know that… they deserve better. They deserve someone who actually loves them and you deserve someone you actually love.

Xoxo Keep on loving, learning and living!