My Name is Nothing: A Comeback Post

Remember those tears, late night thinking, heart breaking, and emotional writing? They were so worth it. I should have said “So worth it in the end” but this isn’t the end! In fact, this phase I’m going through is just a new beginning. For so long I have searched and learned wisdom, tried to apply positivity into my life. At this moment, I could say that my life has dramatically changed since I, well, desired change!

Things aren’t perfect, I tell you, but you can really sense it: The scent of transformation. Realizing the fact that you’re not the same person as a couple months ago is so surreal! Because back then, this moment I’m now was just a dream and nothing more. I never expected for this vision to be certainly alive. This must be how growth feels like. I can say that I am now a better, wiser, and stronger person all because of the choices I’ve made.

The funny thing about maturity and wisdom is that people can’t see it, and you can’t blurt it out like wit or humor. My friends are going through stuff, drama, and they cry out negativity and complain a lot. In my case, it’s all like a reality show to me. Despite knowing my capability to give advice and stuff, I am still a firm believer of experience being the best teacher. If there’s something I learned is that we cannot force or change people into how we think they should be. I’ve studied a hefty amount of articles about “being yourself’” to be aware enough that we should discover ourselves, and appreciate what we have. I apply that concept to others too. We can’t be the bearer of their answers, but we totally know that we’ll always have something to say if they ask for opinions or advice.

So, how am I doing, really? One word: challenge. First of all, I had just been given the position of Editor-in-chief of our publication team, and I’m trying to be a good student too! Anyway, what about love? The irony behind everything is, over the summer, I’ve been singing almost nothing but love but now? Nah. I don’t think I have space or time for it now. I mean, my friends keep on talking about their relationship woes and joys and what about me? Just a listener, a witness. I have labeled a couple people as my ‘crush’ but you’ll know if it’s truly love or not. Maybe it’s because I’m focusing on myself and career? That may be the case. The thing is, when people say love, all they think of is romantic love. I admit I do feel a bit lonely sometimes. The world is all love, love, love and it feels like Valentine ’s Day when they do that, but once life has given you darkness, you’ll see love in ways you’ve never imagined before.

Love, is a beautiful thing. It is one of the magical elements of life. Other people are lucky to have it from the moment they were children to when they’re in their later years in life. Some aren’t very fortunate. They don’t receive it very often, or they’ve become wise enough to realize that love is not as hard to earn as it seems. There are many instances in life when it is present, but we often overlook these precious gems in a sea of negativity. We don’t need to do drastic things; the worst is being untrue to ourselves. All we need is a bit of perspective.

Guys, I would like to reveal the meaning of my name. It is French for nothing. Ever since I knew what it meant, I felt bad about it because I really do like my name. You don’t see people named Larrien every day, unless you live next-door to someone named as such. But do you know what? I realized that being nothing isn’t so bad at all, because without nothing, you can’t have everything. Did I make sense?

Being nothing allowed me to listen more, to further understand life, to learn more and to see things in different perspectives.

Having nothing allows me to be less materialistic, set better goals, appreciate life better, and cherish every moment that come my way.

Because if we do think about it, the non-materialistic things in life may seem like nothing. Love? Peace? Happiness? Freedom? We can’t see that! Since when did we see a person pointing to something and say “Look! It’s love!”  We never did. It doesn’t take the form a spooky mist, sparkly magical glitter, or colorful flashes of light. Nope, nada, that’s why these things are called abstract. We can’t see them, but we feel them.

These unseen things, they can be referred to as ‘nothing’ if we think about it realistically. We can’t sense them, but  they are actually everything, if we go to the bigger picture.

If there is one thing I could truly say about what changed from my life back then to my life now? I’ve finally realized that NOTHING isn’t that bad. For so long, I’ve tried to be who I am not. Well, I do know how to fight when I’m oppressed, or I know how to voice out my opinions in a discussion but, it just wasn’t perfect. I am not an outspoken person whose words flow fluid like how my words flow from my fingertips. I used to fight ME so much that I forgot who I really am for a certain time. Fortunately, life taught me well to the point where I could come up with these realizations. I am unique with my own strengths and flaws.

If there is one thing I have learned? It’s that we should know about, learn from and try to love ourselves.

Final words? I miss this blog so much. Reading my past posts (and the off-site passages I’ve written) make me proud of myself. Sadly,  I have kept myself away from this blog for a couple months to the point of forgetting it already, but you know what? I don’t regret being offline for quite some time. Those days showed me life outside this virtual world. I was actually living my life, and learning, and loving. I was taking flight as the Nothingale through storms and cerulean skies.

Do you guys know why I came back? It’s to go back to my roots. Like the Nothingale I am, I still sing, and most certainly, I always remember to fly low when I’ve already learned how to fly high. :)

Xoxo Keep on living, loving, and learning! 

Back On Track: Rebirth, Warriors and Pirates

Summer is coming to an end over here. Soon, everything will be all about school again, and social life drama and the love for sleep. So, how am I today? These past few days? First of all, I had just discovered the power of breathing. Taking deep breaths is very useful as simple as it may be.

My life is not yet all sparkles and glitter. I know it's never going to work that way. What I'm sure is that I am taking on a journey jammed with optimism and the hope that all will turn out well. My motivation is slowly creeping back in, and other than my blog, I'm back to writing my stories which have been left for quite some time now.

I'm slowly going back to being me. Recently, I have a few minor health problems which reminds me to have a healthier lifestyle. Currently, I'm suffering an ear infection and sinusitis brought by a day full of swimming, which was last week.

I'm going through a transformation these days: a good transformation though! I'm not saying it isn't easy. Especially when I'm weak and cranky these days. I haven't gotten out since early May. I miss seeing the moon every night, witnessing it's gradual changes, the trees bearing orange flowers, the cats, the roosters, the stars and most importantly, feeling the night breeze, but soon I'll be leaving once again to be alone, for school.

The fires of life are going back into me. I can't wait to feel the vibrating passion once again, to rise from the ashes and slay the new school year with my blazing spears and lances.

I'm sick of living like a zombie. I'm sick of submitting to what other people want me to do. I know it sounds selfish but I need some time to be me too. The wrong people may have came and left from my domain, but that doesn't mean the right people aren't coming my way.

There are 7 billion people in the world. Why worry and take pressure on a selected few and allow them ruin your life?

Oh, and I've gotten back into RPG gaming as well. Old school gaming, to specifically point out.

The best thing I've learned is that beyond weapons, armor and cool pets, warriors need to have a proper attitude. There is a lot to work on: Skills training, experience, and leveling up. There are times when they experience death, but we need to do it again to get past it. We need to work on leveling up and remove the fear of failing, or lets say, dying. Warriors need to have a positive mind, that they can take down every monster they encounter. It won't be easy but in the end there will be rewards through gold, and something that is far more precious: Experience. Once received, it cannot be spent or stolen.

I like the warrior attitude. All my childhood I'd like to see myself as a warrior-princess. I'm a damsel who likes to play it rough, yet not cheap. I'm not even physically strong, try letting me punch you, heck you won't even feel a thing. I'd like to show my battle maiden attitude through life: That I'm strong, and can be independent, reliable, and can get past difficulties with grace of course. I'm setting my eyes on the crown, knowing that one day, I will be ready to be Queen. I will be an awesome woman who respects herself, is mature, wise, with a heart of gold and glitter, becoming a living sunflower, scattering positivity and wisdom to the world.

Times may be tough now, but it will just pass and I know it will get better. Of course, I need to also do my part to make it better. Work cannot be achieved by just being static. It's basic Physics.

So, last words, flockmates? Don't give up. We can do this. We can eventually live our dreams. Let go of the past, but keep the memories and the lessons learned. Live for the present moment and enjoy every single morsel of today because you'll never get another 'today', EVER. Also, keep an eye on the future, but don't be too submerged into it. Set a vision. Have a picture of what you'd like to see yourself years from now. Be like a pirate who, even though he can't see a thing but endless water, knows he'll find land. He envisions it, that everyday he checks if there is land on sight. He doesn't just sit there and wait, he steers his wheel, keeps track of the stars and does other pirate-y stuff. Eventually after months or weeks of hardwork, he eventually finds land. And think about all the gold he'll have!

You can do it, I believe in you! Keep on living, loving and learning! xoxo

Latching On Pushes People Away

I’ve always wanted to have a gal friend.                They’re like the ones in the movies or in the books I read where every female protagonist always got that female bestie they can rely on. They would go on girl-nights and gush over cute guys, and go mall-shopping together, then perhaps help choose each other’s clothes. Whenever one gets heartbroken, they would be there to watch cheesy romcom flicks with, and dine on pizza and Ben&jerry’s or perhaps talk and share advice or stuff. There will be slumber parties, silly dances, LOL moments, and a whole other stuff.

Once upon a time I was just being friendly to this girl because she was new. I talked to her, well, most like she was talking to me about her life. It was fine, because it was a natural getting-to-know process! She said I was her first friend in the neighborhood: Great, because you’re going to be my first female friend in this village too. Soon enough, she would knock on my door every single day to hangout. Even if there was nothing much to do, we would hangout because she hated being indoors and she wanted to talk more about her life.

I was pretty chill with everything; was game for everything, but soon I noticed how she saw me as a loser. When she said she needed advice, she just wouldn’t listen to a thing I say! Like, she would interrupt me midsentence and say “Yeah, yeah I know.” Then on she goes again ranting about her nonsense problems that aren’t supposed to be problems in the first place.

It just wasn’t a give-and-take thing and it grew worse when she claimed that I was her ‘bestfriend’, and she got mad at me once because I refused to tell her a personal secret, and because I told her how we still weren’t ‘close enough’. Bitch I have every right to my personal information!

Call me clutz but she just wasn’t a true friend. I’m sorry I’m not like the chatty, catty and cute-sy girls you used to hang out with at school! Not every girl is the same, and most certainly, I’m a different kind of girl from you. I am totally game to hangout with someone different than me, but there should be respect. I remembered catching her rolling her eyes at me for something I did which was totally ‘me’. She didn’t see me for who I am, rather, she only saw me as ‘my neighborhood friend.’

Girl, I’m sorry but I’m not the friend you’re looking for. We can still hangout and help each other whenever there are events in the neighborhood though, so no problem.

So, what’s with the title? As what I mentioned, she would go knocking at my door every day and would ask with her huge plastic smile. “Want to hangout?” Whenever I would have the tendency to hesitate or when I would say no she would make a grunting noise, roll her eyes and ask me why, and blabber about blablabla. It was as if she was making a huge fuss out of her refused invitation. I told you she was very, very ‘mature’.  Does she even know that there are different kinds of people in this planet? And much more that there are such species called ‘Introverts’?  (*sarcasm intended)

There is a huge difference in my life already since I joined the Youth Organization of my place. I went out often, met people and got exposed. I was already a very active member of the Organization, and the teens I’ve met are extraordinary, and awesome people. I remembered the latenight foodtrips, the laughs, the teamwork, the conversations, the vents, the rants, the dances, the singing, and the lazy afternoons with the guitar. This is a summer I will remember. These people have taught me to smile again, and because of them I have broken out of my shell brought by the pains of heartbreak. Now, I smile wider, laugh louder and am back to being absolutely myself once again, and it’s all because of these people.

Last words? Always stay true to yourself in a world full of fake people. There will be times when people will dislike you for who you are but someday you will meet people who’ll make you feel like you belong. It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you’re not. That broken friendship you just had? Learn to let go, and hope the best in life for them. Take a deep breath, forgive, and realize that there are 7 billion people in this world. True friends do exist, I ensure you. We still have to meet them. Never ever give up, because a true friend is worth the search.

Keep on living, loving and learning!! xoxo

I'm No Longer Your Muse

It's a beautiful thing when two people do a duet. The blending of their sweet voices, the music which moves our feet, and the way our thoughts would fly with the musical notes in the air. It always is an amazing thing to be someone's muse. To know you're in a duet with someone who shares the same melodies of your heart.

I was his muse. He was mine, too. I was happy with the fact that I could finally dance with someone. He was the reason why I sing my thoughts through words. It made the Nothingale fly higher than ever with her emotional wings. The feeling was wonderful.

When he left, I became silent. I desired for my co-singer to sing with me again. It felt like he was the music I needed. The only music I'll ever dance to forever.

They say that nothing is forever. At some point, the sound has to meet silence. It's a natural balance of how things work!

Just today, I realized that I don't need someone to make a beautiful performance. Birds sing by themselves most of the time. They sing of nature, of beauty, and I just wonder what makes them so happy to sound so beautiful every single day. If birds can do it, why can't we? We can be happy by ourselves, by loving ourselves.

Soon, we'll eventually have the will to dance again, but by that time, not by someone's music but by our own. By that time, it won't take long for a man to ask if he may join you in your dance.

For now, I'm listening to the sorrowful tune of heartbreak. Soon I'll learn to be like a bird, that I might live up to my name of being 'TheNothingale.' I'll learn how to make music from my own soul.

What is this music I speak off? Happiness. For me, music is happiness, and from happiness out comes freedom.

Last words? Learn to be happy with our own selves, because what a waste of our beauty if we don't share it to the world! Sunflowers always turn to the source of sunlight, and the same goes for connections too.

To the guy who left? I'm no longer your muse, dude. I'm broken, but soon I'll learn how to sing again, by my own. Thank you for setting me free. If not for you, I would not have discovered the melody I have in me. Now, all I need to do is to shift this sad solo to something happy :)

Keep on loving, living and learning, Flockmates!!!

I Was The One That Got Away

I’ll never forget that one night. The stars were out, the crickets chirp and you wanted to meet up. I couldn’t resist, because I felt like I was stuffed inside my house for too long. Besides, I also wanted to feel the night atmosphere, watch the stars and feel the cool wind blowing against me.

When he said he loved me, I had doubt building at the back of my mind. I remember the words of Elsa from Frozen: “You can’t marry a man you just met.” The same goes for ‘love’. I don’t believe in ‘love at first sight’. I do believe that two people can instantly connect with one another at first glance, but love needs more than that.

I didn’t trust him yet. It was all too soon.

I swear I saw the hurt in his eyes the moment I backed away from him, when I told him I had to leave. It was an act out of impulse. For a moment, I allowed my inner self to control my actions. He was too advanced, too quick for my healing heart.

He should’ve known better that trust is not so easily earned! I want my guy to not only be my lover, but a best friend. I’m usually the kind of person who likes to see the good side of people, who appreciates everyone for who they are, but that doesn’t mean I’ll love every guy that comes knocking at my door. My heart and mind are two different things. I can like you, understand you, and talk with you because all it takes is a different point of view but the heart is not so easily changed.

I do believe that love can be achieved through respect, trust and mutual understanding. The kind of love that needs effort, time, and a lot of communication to work. I can’t really say I fully believe the concept of Soulmates and Fate. I’d like to believe they’re true. That there is someone out there designed just for you.

What I do know for sure is that, every person we meet brings us something new to learn, mostly in ourselves.

So, do I regret leaving him torn, in the darkness and silence, just when he was hoping to see me? I felt guilty as I recalled his expression as I left. I never intend to hurt people, even those who hurt me or who I have to hurt. That’s why I’m a sucker for love: I’m too soft, sensitive and sweet. Fortunately, I have a mind who reminds me to do the right thing. My heart screamed that I should immediately take back my words and enjoy the night with him, but my head’s gently reminding me that this isn’t what I wanted in the first place, that I’m just going to do it out of pity, not of love.

I think I should have no regrets at all, because I did my part by being completely honest. The moment I reached home, I phoned him and said sorry and explained that I couldn’t love someone I barely know and trust. I was hurting him  a bit, but I was being honest to myself. At least I put a premature end to a budding relationship that was bound to go nowhere. I’m actually doing us a favor by saving time, effort and tears.

This is the part when the climax is hanging by a thread. What happened tonight may only lead to the following events in the next few days:

1.)    He’ll hate me forever, thus finding another girl

2.)    He’ll understand and he’ll reflect on his actions and we may talk

3.)    He’ll go the extra mile by still being friends with me and we’ll undergo a lot of the ‘getting-to-know’ stage and who knows what we’ll both find?

Yes, I am friendzoning him. Actually, I’m friendzoning every guy that comes my way because I know I’m not ready. The friendzone doesn’t mean it’s the end of a relationship. Sometimes, the girl likes the guy but is just isn’t ready to say she loves him back! Love is amazing but it isn’t as chill and laidback as we think it is: it isn’t instant, it doesn’t always go your way and most importantly, it isn’t perfect.

Final words, flockmates? Honesty and open communication are two key components in relationships. It would be better if feelings were spilled before than leaked horribly after. Breaking it up to someone sucks. Honestly, it hurts us too, but not as much as the other one. As the time-old quote says: Prevention is better than cure. It’s the same in love too. Don’t go into a relationship if it doesn’t feel right for you. Everyone deserves to be with someone they love. By breaking it slowly into your soon ex, you’re doing them a favor because you know that… they deserve better. They deserve someone who actually loves them and you deserve someone you actually love.

Xoxo Keep on loving, learning and living!

Honesty Sets Us Free

I had a friend. I exaggerate on the ‘had’. We met when I joined this organization, and I don’t know if it’s just me but we kind off had a happy moment together because we happened to connect in so many things in so little time. It was surprising. It was a storm. I was totally taken by surprise, by him.

We hanged out for two days, but suddenly he stopped from the third.

It was almost heart-breaking. Why? He set my hopes up high that finally I would have a friend that I could totally relate with. I was excited, imagining the days ahead. Maybe we would talk all about our fave topics, or maybe laugh at some awesome joke we made.

The sudden disappearance brought me to limbo. Everytime I make conversation, he would just give me short responses. I don’t know why. People sometimes teased us that we’re a couple, but I’m sure he’s mature enough not to care! The thing here is, the thought of wanting to know why bothered me more than ever.

I wanted to say it over Facebook, but it doesn’t seem to be a likely place for it. I can’t say it in real life because we’re barely friends anymore.

At one point I decided ‘what if I won’t say a thing?!’ but then the thought still annoys me and I had a strong urge to just say what I needed to say.

And guess what? Eventually, I did. It took me a couple rewrites to do it. One time I thought I made the perfect message, but doubt took me in, and so I  deleted everything. Actually, I literally exited the entire browser as soon as I realized I had clicked ‘send’.

But then it became more than that. Minutes after sending it, I felt a huge wave of euphoria. I was tremendously happy, because I felt like I was free! But not yet, though. I still don’t know his answer. What would his response be? Well, that doesn’t matter! I feel like I don’t care anymore! Because for once,  I told the truth and I’ve never felt so in tune with myself in such a long time.

I was so happy, that I thought maybe I should be more honest often.  Honestly literally freed me from fear. The truth will truly set us free. So, what is really holding us back from saying what we really want? The chains of doubt, fear, and negativity. They are monsters we need to fight.

Anyway, flockmates. I finally did it!!! I am so, so so so happy.

I may or may not lose a friend tonight, but atleast I can finally sleep much better, and live easier because I know I have the ability to free the truth. I can never know what’s on the other side, that’s why I asked! I can’t read his frickin’ mind, for god’s sake! But that doesn’t matter, the honesty I gave acted like a layer of armor over me. Even if he leaves this very second, at least I had closure, and there’s no other thing every relationship need than closure, and honesty.

I tell you, nothing compares to the feeling freedom gives.  Finally, The Nothingale finally figured out how to be utterly free. Not only can I sing about my feelings, but I am slowly in a journey to unravel how to sing every piece of morsel in my mind to the world. This freedom may help me soar higher than I ever thought I could be.

Last words, flockmates? Just say how you feel, and then celebrate it afterwards because in this world where honesty is a lonely trait, you did it. You are an awesome, honest person.

And to be honest? I love you, Internet peeps! I wish you with all my might the best in your lives!!

Not The Right Mix?

This is somewhat a sequel to the post before this: Live, Love,Learn: That's Life! 

If you haven't read that one, then you might not understand some things here but if you persist, then you are always free to do so.

Anyway, I asked a question to the Universe yesterday, and guess what? Fate answered me with an emotional disturbance. Fate broke my heart, boohoo, and no I didn't eat lots of ice cream, watched romance movies and an entire roll of tissue paper crying my heart out: It was just a little ache.

Despite the size, pain is still pain, and I tell you, it still hurts. If I were to compare it, it would be a little cut while real heartbreak is a broken bone.

So what made my heart break in pieces, you may wonder? But nah, I won't talk about it here. Let's just say it's a relationship that just wasn't meant to be and isn't supposed to be there in the first place. He's moving on and I've just got out from my shell. I wanted to enjoy myself and the open air first but then he suddenly popped out like Freddy Frazbear. Eeesh, creepy.

I already knew this would happen from the very first day I met him, when we got to know each other a bit. I had the feeling I was bound to be a rebound. Hey, at least that rhymes, right?

Anyway, Fate really responded well, that I'm not ready for all this. In fact, I wasn't even ready at all, to begin with. Before all these happened, I was focusing my energy on honing my hobbies and improving myself. I was trying to find 'Me'. Well, I know she's here but I don't feel her. I'm in a limbo and supposedly I wasn't to be disturbed.

I need to "Be with myself and center, clarity, peace, and serenity.' as Fergie sang.

But yay! Thank Universe for my mini-ache. But perhaps blame it on PMS for the heightened mood. Maybe that's why my pain is amplified.

Soooo I think I should end it here.

xoxoxoxox   Final word, Flockmates?  Sometimes things don't happen the way you expect them to be because maybe it's just not the right mix. Always remember to never worry, because creating the perfect taste needs a lot of taste-testing and re-dos. Soon, we'll eventually meet that perfect mix, and by that time, you'll say to yourself. "Hey, this is worth all the tears, years and heartbreaks!".

Love and learn, as always.






Little, tiny bit of last words: Oh my, Or perhaps I was just overreacting/overthinking? :o

Live, Love and Learn, That's Life

Let's face it, it's never nice to overthink. As girls, we loathe it when we over react, while boys find that one trait annoying when it comes to their chicks. Not all maybe, but I do know a lot to testify that.

I have to speak in picturesque speech because... Well, he might just read this. 

I was finally glad to be able to go out after lots of years being an awesome hermit. The sun was nice, the people were more than awesome, but then some..thing took me by the hands and lead me to a hurricane. So to think, I'd just broken out from my shell. It was my break from my virtual life. Then suddenly I was bombarded by a potato pirate with confetti and rainbow sprinkles.

I felt like Anna from Frozen as the gates were finally opened. Really, no joke. Only that I didn't marry a guy I met for  a day. 

For the entire year, I tried to be the perfect daughter. I wasn't a star student, but I tried my best and I know I've learned a lot from that school year, then I chose my friends and rarely went out to hangout with people. It was all family, family, school, school then maybe a lot of hobbies, and hobbies... But I wasn't really able to socialize propery. As a teen, I know I needed to socialize. I mean, how will I survive when I'll be standing on my own? 

That day I mentioned awhile ago was one very remarkable day: I was finally allowed to join the Youth Org. in our neighborhood. My happiness was incomprehensible.

But I was caught by surprise by some.. awesome inevitable gummy worm. 

The cheesy words came, and the awesome times, the heart emoticons and the texts c: I'm not saying I didn't like it, I mean.. it's just that It really shocked me. If I were Caucasian I would have blushed a million times. 

I mean, how I wish! That would make me a lot cuter I think.There is the feeling of blood rushing to your cheeks, and would then ransack the place and then rainbow would course through your bloodstream to your entire being. 

At some point I felt like a ten year old girl with a slight gap between her two front teeth who blushes intensely at some boy giving a silly heart drawn to a sheet of paper. 

It's a natural reaction for shy people. 

And oh my gosh. I realized, on this very day. April 14th 2015... It's been a year since all these weird love-drama-stuff happened in my life, and well I would totally like to say thank you to all those 'exes' aka 'Almost lovers' who didn't make it but they made life colorful, ya know? 

I had a wish back then, then I think it became true. 

Wait, is this what I wanted? 

Honestly, I used to be One of the Boys, AKA the girl version of a friendzone. I was too 'boyish' for a guy to have feelings for me. They see me as a bro, or perhaps an awesome sis. Then when school ended for 2014, I vowed to make changes to myself and be more 'girly'. If you need further understanding please listen to the song 'One of the Boys' by Katy Perry. Seriously, that song was the song of my entire summer of that year.
Not everything in the song totally applied my life, okay? The gist of it captured my goal: to be girly. According to the song 'I want to smell like roses, not a baseball team." 

I did many things: Jog with my friend, ate less, and in the end I enrolled myself into swimming lessons plus joined a little swimming competition which involved training. 

April 14 was the day I met my first... uhm. 'almost lover'. We only lasted for two months because when school came, we had to part ways. After that very first summer love, I met another guy somewhere in July. It ended, then another one came some time in September. It ended after three months, then the final one was by the whole month of February. 

People were always there to speculate, especially those who knew me. They had their eyebrow raised when they noticed how the 'weird girl' was not being her usual boring self. The gossips came, but I took it with a pinch of salt, thinking 'this must how being a celebrity feels like' and I tell you, I don't really like it. Yeah, people would finally get to know your name and face but then it's.. just annoying with the false information they give everywhere.

I mean come on, gossip is like a highschool version of Journalism, but instead of giving awareness to a truth, they try to sabotage the truth. 

The thing is: I don't regret meeting those guys. Every 'relationship' gives me something new to learn. First of all, I've learned how it feels like to be in a relationship, that there  are  different people in this world. We also
get to  learn a great deal in ourselves, and most importantly, at every 'break up' our heart's defense system levels up. 

So... Now that it's April 14 again, with a.. possible relationship at hand... Am I ready to face a whole new year of.. This and that?

Thinking about it overwhelms me. I mean, what lies in store for me? 

But nah, all I could say I guess is... 'Bring it on, Life. Try me if you dare.' 

xoxo Final words, Flockmates? Never lose yourself in the process of being with others. We only have ourselves. We're like one column, and the other someone should be like the other column. With the two of you together, you can support something entirely awesome. If you love yourself, you have that one column already installed inside of you, so that one day when your special someone leaves, then at least you can still stand for yourself. Not loving oneself is like leaning over to a column. So..  Be an awesome column and be a greek one too if you like!

As always, live, love and learn, because that's life :)

So Many Things To Do So Little Time

So it's true that Life is indeed short, and we only live once. This world is vast, full of exciting things to try! Who doesn't want to experience them all? This doesn't mean life has to be easy, or in good times all the time, sometimes, we experience our personal downfalls. It's totally okay to have bad times. Everyone's got them. What matters is that Life must go on, and no matter what, we still have that drive to live.

When you're down in a ditch, think about all the great things in life. Your dreams, your goals, all the exciting experiences you'd want to try someday. There will be children who'll smile and laugh, loved ones who'll hold our hearts, friends and pets who'll make our day... These are the gems we hold on to. When the things we hold on to dissolve into nothingness, and the lights will go out, we hold on to the things that cannot even be held. The music of our hearts...

A short post.. But hope it made your day, Flockmates! :)

What Linked In Taught Me

A miracle fell into my life today by its glorious parachute. I’d just been introduced to LinkedIn, and guess what, in the first few hours I’ve known its presence; it has already changed my life. I’ve heard of the website before. At first, I thought it was just another social network bound to make me lonelier, an alternative social site to boast where I’ve been or what awards I’ve accomplished.

Setting up my profile made me see life as it is, that this is who I am and these are what I offer into the world. The website made me aware of my identity. Even if my profile is barren and cold, my soul is burning with something far more precious. This passion would not have been made possible if I hadn’t known that site.

First of all, it allowed me to peek into my personal self. I realized I still have a lot of things to work on in shaping my character. I have to build up my self-esteem, self-confidence and learn to ease my mild social anxiety. These serve as a foundation to make way for more goals to achieve.

 Linkedin also caused me to have a career-oriented mind. More and more teens are getting involved in risky lifestyles such as drinking, smoking, taking drugs and engaging in sexual practices. I’ve personally seen ladies who became mothers at a young age. Personally, I know how difficult it is to raise a child from my observations on my own siblings. I’ve seen it all from the costs, to the tantrums, and especially babies who are prone to diseases. Being a mother isn’t a joke. It’s far from easy. Joining the site gives me reminders to be busy in some other way. There are a lot of things to preoccupy myself. There are so many ways to spend this immense energy I have in myself as a teenager.

For the last three years of my life as a minor, I will spend it to improve myself, learn new skills and gain new experiences. Most importantly, I would like to hone the traits needed in this competitive world: Discipline, good work ethics, punctuality, resourcefulness and a whole lot more.

Final word, flockmates? Greatness does not simply come to us. We have to choose to be great, and work our way to greatness. Like Happiness, peace, health and positivity, Greatness is a choice, or perhaps, a decision.

Decide to be great. Dare to be great. C:

Little Optimism After Mini Heartbreak

If someone likes you, and you find out you don't reciprocate those feelings, have at least some decency to be kind about it. I mean, some girls don't whine and give a damn care if their guy would like them or not, it's just a crush, for God's sake! And it would be awesome if someone liked you than everyone to hate you all at once. And so to think, I'm not looking forward to have a relationship with him. He's just some random guy addicted to mint candy who brought me back to rock, to the music close to my heart and soul and my whole being.

Well, how can I be so sure? I always come up with conclusions all the time so maybe I read the signs wrong? My heart, being so sensitive must have picked up the signs wrong and made a big deal out of something so small.

But anyway, I thank you world for allowing me to meet him. If not for him, I would have never made friends in this neighborhood, and so to think I've lived in this block for 6 years! They changed me from the girl who sits in front of the computer 24/7 to someone who finally goes out for her goodness' sake. From that pearl hidden in her shell, he brought me out by showing me the music I thought were long gone.

I'll never forget him, maybe? But if there are guys like him who exist in this world, then that makes it more exciting. Awesome guys like him still exist.

Ha, oh thanks for making my teenage life more colorful. Provides me more inspiration to do my art, and well, in a few years from now I'll laugh at this and think how silly I was as a teen xD Make memories while it last guys because life is short... Make memories :)

Rock Brother

We have a general items store. One can find hygienic products, fun snacks, soda, juice and more stuff in our store. It just so happened that the person mom hired to run the store is a surly teenager who has a habit of lying and ingratefulness. In the end, she got fired, and so I now work for our own family store. I’m actually glad to do so, it means the store shall be within my hands and control.

I get to work partime in the safety and comfort of home, ain’t that great? Another awesome thing is, mom transferred the desktop downstairs, so I can still keep in touch with my home within the monitor screen.

Aside from the awesome working conditions, I finally had the chance to speak to our neighbors and make friends, the first in the many years since we transferred in this neighborhood! Since our store was luckily situated adjacent to a basketball court, I often meet teenagers around my age, so yay! Of course, there are the flirty dudes, the teasers, the show-offs who lift their jerseys to hopefully capture me with their muscles. Calm down, bro, I’m just here for the work, not for you.

From the few days I’ve worked in this place, I’ve met this one person in particular who stood out from the other people I’ve met.

We connected by our same tastes in music. He was playing basketball at the other side of the street while I was blasting music from my phone to ease the boredom arising in me. He kept on singing while playing, and boy, his voice was pretty good! Twilight of that same day, he and his friends decided to hang around our store. (There is some kind of bench outside our store.) Of course, while they were talking, I was blasting my music and at the same time partly listening to their conversations.

Then it all became a blur. The next thing I knew was, I allowed him to choose the music to be played. Scanning through my vast music list was like exposing my whole self to him. My music can totally define my life, my personality, the things I’ve been through and well, I exposed to him my source of life: Music. The thing with this guy is, he totally loves rock. He can play the guitar and the drums, and is an excellent dancer as well! He’s got a unique addiction to mint candy too. The warm brown color of his eyes, his soothing presence and we share that bond brought by the bridges of music.

My friendship with him is more than just a mini-crush. He brought me back to rock. Carried me to who I really am. I’ve been daunting on listening to other genres because my closest friends  listen to them. In the process of being with those close friends, my music had been influenced into listening to their genre. Mintaholic dude, as what I decided to call him, made me realize to never lose touch with myself in the process of befriending others.

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end. Turns out he has a girlfriend, but it drives me mad everytime I catch him sneaking glances at me. His girl and he are long-distanced but they’re really strong over facebook. I have to distract myself with other things to cease these feelings from flowing through.

Sometimes, we meet people because they have to teach us a valuable lesson we need to learn, or to remind us of something we need to remember always. It has been a blessing meeting Mintaholic. I’m so glad to have been saved by my Rock Brother. 

Getting my Reading Spree Back

I’m not much of an avid reader, but I realized something about myself this very day. I realized that I do not love to read because of the mere act of doing it, but I love the new insights I receive. Books carry you on a trip to anywhere! I was born with a vibrant imagination, and I think this is why I’m fascinated with words, and is interested in the art of crafting literary works.

I have a collection of encyclopedias in my room. Growing up, I was surrounded with books; hence I became aware of their importance and wonder. That collection gave me a good start for my preschool days up to elementary. Unfortunately, the spree ended when I was in 4^th grade. Those were the times when I was driven by the writing spirit. I discovered the thrill of letting other people read the silly stories I wrote. Their reactions were interesting to watch, and I felt the fuzzy feelings one could get if someone actually liked something you created.

But anyway, I am trying to get my reading spree back. Those encyclopedia collections I have? I haven’t finished reading them yet. My goal is to fully explore it by the end of summer. 

What’s in it for the Nothingale? A lot, actually. For me, reading can be a powerhouse for inspiration. At the end of every passage, my mind savors the new knowledge like a piece of candy. From there, new wonders burst like geysers.

A while ago, I realized something else in my personal self.

Reading actually relaxes me.

So, yay! Plenty of stuff for this bird to sing about! (Or let’s say, rant about)  

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Do you also like to read, flock mates? What do you think of encyclopedias?

Never stop the thirst for learning ~ 

One Sick Day

Touch my neck, what do you feel? Heat.

 Observe my body language, and what do you observe? Weakness.

Yes, my fellow birds, I am sick.  I have no idea what got me into this state. The moment I woke up, my head was throbbing with a slight pain and felt it weighed 200 tons. I had the appetite to eat, but I was totally moody, as if I was on PMS. Wait, *counts the calendar

I think I really am in my PMS week, but that shouldn’t mean I should be this sick!

Good thing is that we’ll be having soup tonight. 

All throughout my childhood, I was not a sickly kid.  Besides the occasional cough, and runny nose, I don’t get fever often, and in fact, I’ve only vomited for like, four times in my entire lifetime. That’s why I always wonder why I get sick, because it really doesn’t occur to me always.

What are the things you usually do when you’re unwell? Based from my results today, I’ve slept more than 10 hours, and only woke up to eat, go to the bathroom, and well, this post is a proof that illness doesn’t stop me doing from the things I love to do.

Alright, so what is the connection with the doggy pic up there? My expression and are quite similar! I couldn’t spend long hours in front of the computer, I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t help mom at the store and  I couldn’t play with my younger sisters and dog; hence the sad face.

Pooch over there is named Chipy. He isn’t really my dog. My grandmother owned him, but then she passed away. Ever since, he’s with my grandfather now and my auntie. Among all the things my gran left behind, Chipy is our most valuable one. We recalled nights when gran was in bed, her illness invading her body at every second. Of course, we had to prohibit Chipy from entering that room. Poor guy would sleep by the foot of the door that when one would open the door, he’ll be there like a fluffy rag. Those doggy eyes that light up when he hears my gran’s faint voice.

Chippy had a son, named Poopie, who is now my dog! If you’re wondering how Poopie looks like, he looks exactly like his father! Now, my dog’s story. Poopie is the last among the five puppies Chip’s wife gave birth to. A couple months after they were born, there was this strange disease breaking out, and the former owners had very little knowledge in puppy disease. If you haven’t guessed already, I definitely took Poopie and brought him to our house. I remembered him being a very sick dog. Turns out that his condition was Diarrhea.

I recalled the nights I would keep a careful eye on his stool. There were the times when I would force a dropper full of water on him so he wouldn’t get dehydrated. I fed him milk, and cleaned his  cage, and would pet him on my lap wishing he’d be okay.

And he eventually became okay.

Now he’s a very active dog who’s very loud and playful but shuts up every time I sing to him. Weird, right? I mean, I didn’t know dogs can be in tuned to music too! He’s the first to greet me when I arrive home from school. The one very eager to kiss me with its pink, gooey tongue.

I’m so thankful to have a dog like him.

Most importantly, I wish gran’s soul peace and happiness, wherever she is right now, for she taught me how to love and care for others, even those who are not human. She exposed me to poverty, and didn’t raise me up to be the spoiled brat I was bound to be. I was her only grandchild, but she took me in as if I was her fourth child. All I can say is, without my grandma, I wouldn’t be the girl I am today.

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I wish you to be healthy and well always, flockmates! J

What You See, You Become and Feel

Poverty is an issue in my country, the Philippines. I think my title’s concept really depends on the circumstances an individual face, but in this post, I’m basing it from my personal experiences.

My family currently belongs in the middle-class range. We could afford luxuries but there are times when we have to tighten our belts and take a watchful eye on the budget. I live in an isolated home all throughout my childhood. I rarely had friends, and I wasn’t involved in social stuff unless it was necessary for school. I also lived with my grandparents because my mom and dad was newlywed and was making ends meet. Gramp and Gran were of good grounds. They were very thrifty people and valued saving, and such. Because of their lifestyle, I was bound to be exposed to a classic senorita household.

But that was not my case.

My gran exposed me to simplicity, and the poverty in our society.

As I grew up, I spent time with my mom (My dad was an Overseas Filipino Worker.)

Having grown up in poverty and constant struggle, her values somehow radiated to me. Not only that, I was already born with a wondering mind and a desire to express my inner musings. I was a weird kid. Even until now, I think I’m still a weird teen. But enough being weird, there are more circumstances in my life which led me to who I am today.

The whole point of my post is simple: Exposure and Influence. I’m talking about the traits’ and values’ source. I can’t really say that some traits are really inborn. I mean, who are we to really know? Inborn or not, the beauty of it is that as long as the world is turning, there is always a chance for learning.

I’ve met hardwork all around me, both the actual action and its effect. I can’t say I’m bound to be a hardworking someday. Who am I really to know? I state again.

The very bottom line of the most bottom-est of the sea is this: It still is a matter of choice.

Like, seeing poverty through TV screens and reading it through the Internet may not help all the time. Every person is different. My title is proven to be wrong because it only states ‘seeing’. There is more to that. There is actually ‘being’.

Unfortunately, not everyone is naturally born sympathetic, emphatetic, etc. Sometimes, factors can lead to a person having personal problems. I know this because I’ve been there. There is always a reason why a person has become ‘mean’ and I’m not saying this only from a schoolkid perspective. Even the ‘mean’ people out there in the actual world.

At the end of the day (and my rant) I could reflect that we should always be mindful in whatever we do. Maybe we may break a person’s day, or possibly his life, or maybe we could make them smile and inspire them to change? Do actions that you would like to see in the world. It is always a choice starting from oneself. We all have power within all of us… How are you going to use yours?

More power to you, flockmates! :D 

When Anxiety Strikes

If there is one thing I wish to erase in this world, it would totally be Anxiety and Depression and all other mental illnesses.

They are evil clouds. The people they attack are pulled down, and they strike hard and even it isn't painful physically, it still has a great impact on the life they hurt. 

Those people may have dreams, principles, values, and they may have good hearts, are willing to help others and change the world. They have a huge capacity for love, their goals may help others, they might save lives, make others smile, comfort a hurting soul or are great powerhouse talented individuals.... 

All bombarded with the blight of Anxiety.

Awhile ago, another bout of Social Anxiety struck me while simply buying groceries. It was supposed to be a mall outing with me and my sisters.

But then my anxiety attacked.

These diseases of the mind prohibit me from being the best self there could be. I'm sure they do the same to thousands of people out there too. I mean, I can't live life simply staying at home! I want to go out, to make friends because I have a hundred dreams to fulfill and I wish to make others smile and be free! 

Anxiety should be brought to a stop. Because its one factor, a hindrance to promoting positive change in the world. Where in great people are afraid to fully release themselves. People with dreams. With passion and plans. Anxiety is a B and unlike Karma, it brings nothing good to our minds but negativity. Anxiety is good sometimes, yes. The classic Fight or Flight reaction... But if there is something I would like to add, it would be Free. Because besides from those two Fs, Anxiety holds back a person's freedom. 

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I wish you all who are reading this happiness and an anxiety-free day :) 

Why Nest in Blogging, Arie?

You may all wonder why I decide to start a blog.

I'm wondering too, that's why I'm writing this xD

But set that aside, I'm going to do a bit of explaining.

First of all, I totally love writing. It had been my passion since birth and I think its the only thing I'm good at. (Does playing the Ukulele count?) I love to express myself through words. My mind is a deep well of thoughts, ideas and opinions that are always ready to flow from my fingers. To satisfy this need, I've had micro-blogging sites, but they were not enough.

Roar, call me hungry for more! Well, in connection to my first reason, my close internet friends complain of my... dramatically loooooong messages. I love long messages. I'm a sucker for it! I don't know, and they commented on how I could express my thoughts through words with such great ease. (Is it true?)  I'm not a perfect writer. I'm a suckish one actually.... (Undisciplined, lazy, uncommitted, not punctual)

Because of the awareness that I have the talent of creating long passages, I decided to start a blog.

So, what can I say from my first few seconds of blogging?

I think I'm loving it, and I could use this to practice my discipline skills. (Help me?)

Besides those reasons above, I also desire to meet like-minded people like me, who loves to rant about their lives to each other. Seriously, people may think that they might annoy me but hey, 'one can never annoy an annoying person'! I love to rant. Why should I not like to listen to long rants? Depends, though. Some rants turn to nags, and even if I'm a girl, I don't like listening to nags too.

Anyway, that's basically... it. xD

What about you? Have you experienced something similar? Have you found the place to host your interests?

Longing to hear you sing, and your reasons on why you opened a blog too! :)

Rise and Shine, Flockmates!

I am the Nothingale, bold and brave and dreaming in this whole new world of blogging and business and searching for worms. I hope I'll spend a lot of time in this, and would stick to be committed in blogging, as I have had previous experiences of suddenly disappearing from a blog. I am basically everywhere in the Internet, in FB, Twitter, Instagram, and I have a similarly-named blog on Tumblr but that is for another time.

Today, I ready my scissors to cut the great red ribbon of victory and start dashing towards nowhere in particular. I hope I make many friends here, and I hope I may inspire my readers as well and have them love me and love them and maybe we could hangout together someday or something!

Much, much love, Larrien :)