Remember those tears, late night thinking, heart breaking,
and emotional writing? They were so worth it. I should have said “So worth it
in the end” but this isn’t the end! In fact, this phase I’m going through is
just a new beginning. For so long I have searched and learned wisdom, tried to
apply positivity into my life. At this moment, I could say that my life has
dramatically changed since I, well, desired change!
Things aren’t perfect, I tell you, but you can really sense
it: The scent of transformation. Realizing the fact that you’re not the same
person as a couple months ago is so surreal! Because back then, this moment I’m
now was just a dream and nothing more. I never expected for this vision to be certainly
alive. This must be how growth feels
like. I can say that I am now a better, wiser, and stronger person all because
of the choices I’ve made.
The funny thing about maturity and wisdom is that people can’t
see it, and you can’t blurt it out like wit or humor. My friends are going
through stuff, drama, and they cry out negativity and complain a lot. In my
case, it’s all like a reality show to me. Despite knowing my capability to give
advice and stuff, I am still a firm believer of experience being the best
teacher. If there’s something I learned is that we cannot force or change
people into how we think they should be. I’ve studied a hefty amount of
articles about “being yourself’” to be aware enough that we should discover
ourselves, and appreciate what we have. I apply that concept to others too. We
can’t be the bearer of their answers, but we totally know that we’ll always
have something to say if they ask for opinions or advice.
So, how am I doing, really? One word: challenge. First of
all, I had just been given the position of Editor-in-chief of our publication
team, and I’m trying to be a good student too! Anyway, what about love? The
irony behind everything is, over the summer, I’ve been singing almost nothing
but love but now? Nah. I don’t think I have space or time for it now. I mean,
my friends keep on talking about their relationship woes and joys and what
about me? Just a listener, a witness. I have labeled a couple people as my ‘crush’
but you’ll know if it’s truly love or not. Maybe it’s because I’m focusing on
myself and career? That may be the case. The thing is, when people say love,
all they think of is romantic love. I admit I do feel a bit lonely sometimes.
The world is all love, love, love and it feels like Valentine ’s Day when they
do that, but once life has given you darkness, you’ll see love in ways you’ve
never imagined before.
Love, is a beautiful thing. It is one of the magical
elements of life. Other people are lucky to have it from the moment they were
children to when they’re in their later years in life. Some aren’t very fortunate.
They don’t receive it very often, or they’ve become wise enough to realize that
love is not as hard to earn as it seems. There are many instances in life when
it is present, but we often overlook these precious gems in a sea of
negativity. We don’t need to do drastic things; the worst is being untrue to
ourselves. All we need is a bit of perspective.
Guys, I would like to reveal the meaning of my name. It is French
for nothing. Ever since I knew what it meant, I felt bad about it because I
really do like my name. You don’t see people named Larrien every day, unless you
live next-door to someone named as such. But do you know what? I realized that
being nothing isn’t so bad at all, because without nothing, you can’t have
everything. Did I make sense?
Being nothing allowed me to listen more, to further
understand life, to learn more and to see things in different perspectives.
Having nothing allows me to be less materialistic, set
better goals, appreciate life better, and cherish every moment that come my
way.
Because if we do think about it, the non-materialistic
things in life may seem like nothing. Love? Peace? Happiness? Freedom? We can’t
see that! Since when did we see a person pointing to something and say “Look!
It’s love!” We never did. It doesn’t take
the form a spooky mist, sparkly magical glitter, or colorful flashes of light.
Nope, nada, that’s why these things are called abstract. We can’t see them, but we feel them.
These unseen things, they can be referred to as ‘nothing’ if
we think about it realistically. We can’t sense them, but they are actually everything, if we go to the
bigger picture.
If there is one thing I could truly say about what changed
from my life back then to my life now? I’ve finally realized that NOTHING isn’t that bad. For so long, I’ve
tried to be who I am not. Well, I do know how to fight when I’m oppressed, or I
know how to voice out my opinions in a discussion but, it just wasn’t perfect.
I am not an outspoken person whose words flow fluid like how my words flow from
my fingertips. I used to fight ME so much that I forgot who I really am for a
certain time. Fortunately, life taught me well to the point where I could come
up with these realizations. I am unique with my own strengths and flaws.
If there is one thing I have learned? It’s that we should
know about, learn from and try to love ourselves.
Final words? I miss this blog so much. Reading my past posts
(and the off-site passages I’ve written) make me proud of myself. Sadly, I have kept myself away from this blog for a
couple months to the point of forgetting it already, but you know what? I don’t
regret being offline for quite some time. Those days showed me life outside
this virtual world. I was actually living my life, and learning, and loving. I
was taking flight as the Nothingale through storms and cerulean skies.
Do you guys know why I came back? It’s to go back to my
roots. Like the Nothingale I am, I still sing, and most certainly, I always
remember to fly low when I’ve already learned how to fly high. :)
Xoxo Keep on living, loving, and learning!
