Latching On Pushes People Away

I’ve always wanted to have a gal friend.                They’re like the ones in the movies or in the books I read where every female protagonist always got that female bestie they can rely on. They would go on girl-nights and gush over cute guys, and go mall-shopping together, then perhaps help choose each other’s clothes. Whenever one gets heartbroken, they would be there to watch cheesy romcom flicks with, and dine on pizza and Ben&jerry’s or perhaps talk and share advice or stuff. There will be slumber parties, silly dances, LOL moments, and a whole other stuff.

Once upon a time I was just being friendly to this girl because she was new. I talked to her, well, most like she was talking to me about her life. It was fine, because it was a natural getting-to-know process! She said I was her first friend in the neighborhood: Great, because you’re going to be my first female friend in this village too. Soon enough, she would knock on my door every single day to hangout. Even if there was nothing much to do, we would hangout because she hated being indoors and she wanted to talk more about her life.

I was pretty chill with everything; was game for everything, but soon I noticed how she saw me as a loser. When she said she needed advice, she just wouldn’t listen to a thing I say! Like, she would interrupt me midsentence and say “Yeah, yeah I know.” Then on she goes again ranting about her nonsense problems that aren’t supposed to be problems in the first place.

It just wasn’t a give-and-take thing and it grew worse when she claimed that I was her ‘bestfriend’, and she got mad at me once because I refused to tell her a personal secret, and because I told her how we still weren’t ‘close enough’. Bitch I have every right to my personal information!

Call me clutz but she just wasn’t a true friend. I’m sorry I’m not like the chatty, catty and cute-sy girls you used to hang out with at school! Not every girl is the same, and most certainly, I’m a different kind of girl from you. I am totally game to hangout with someone different than me, but there should be respect. I remembered catching her rolling her eyes at me for something I did which was totally ‘me’. She didn’t see me for who I am, rather, she only saw me as ‘my neighborhood friend.’

Girl, I’m sorry but I’m not the friend you’re looking for. We can still hangout and help each other whenever there are events in the neighborhood though, so no problem.

So, what’s with the title? As what I mentioned, she would go knocking at my door every day and would ask with her huge plastic smile. “Want to hangout?” Whenever I would have the tendency to hesitate or when I would say no she would make a grunting noise, roll her eyes and ask me why, and blabber about blablabla. It was as if she was making a huge fuss out of her refused invitation. I told you she was very, very ‘mature’.  Does she even know that there are different kinds of people in this planet? And much more that there are such species called ‘Introverts’?  (*sarcasm intended)

There is a huge difference in my life already since I joined the Youth Organization of my place. I went out often, met people and got exposed. I was already a very active member of the Organization, and the teens I’ve met are extraordinary, and awesome people. I remembered the latenight foodtrips, the laughs, the teamwork, the conversations, the vents, the rants, the dances, the singing, and the lazy afternoons with the guitar. This is a summer I will remember. These people have taught me to smile again, and because of them I have broken out of my shell brought by the pains of heartbreak. Now, I smile wider, laugh louder and am back to being absolutely myself once again, and it’s all because of these people.

Last words? Always stay true to yourself in a world full of fake people. There will be times when people will dislike you for who you are but someday you will meet people who’ll make you feel like you belong. It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you’re not. That broken friendship you just had? Learn to let go, and hope the best in life for them. Take a deep breath, forgive, and realize that there are 7 billion people in this world. True friends do exist, I ensure you. We still have to meet them. Never ever give up, because a true friend is worth the search.

Keep on living, loving and learning!! xoxo

What You See, You Become and Feel

Poverty is an issue in my country, the Philippines. I think my title’s concept really depends on the circumstances an individual face, but in this post, I’m basing it from my personal experiences.

My family currently belongs in the middle-class range. We could afford luxuries but there are times when we have to tighten our belts and take a watchful eye on the budget. I live in an isolated home all throughout my childhood. I rarely had friends, and I wasn’t involved in social stuff unless it was necessary for school. I also lived with my grandparents because my mom and dad was newlywed and was making ends meet. Gramp and Gran were of good grounds. They were very thrifty people and valued saving, and such. Because of their lifestyle, I was bound to be exposed to a classic senorita household.

But that was not my case.

My gran exposed me to simplicity, and the poverty in our society.

As I grew up, I spent time with my mom (My dad was an Overseas Filipino Worker.)

Having grown up in poverty and constant struggle, her values somehow radiated to me. Not only that, I was already born with a wondering mind and a desire to express my inner musings. I was a weird kid. Even until now, I think I’m still a weird teen. But enough being weird, there are more circumstances in my life which led me to who I am today.

The whole point of my post is simple: Exposure and Influence. I’m talking about the traits’ and values’ source. I can’t really say that some traits are really inborn. I mean, who are we to really know? Inborn or not, the beauty of it is that as long as the world is turning, there is always a chance for learning.

I’ve met hardwork all around me, both the actual action and its effect. I can’t say I’m bound to be a hardworking someday. Who am I really to know? I state again.

The very bottom line of the most bottom-est of the sea is this: It still is a matter of choice.

Like, seeing poverty through TV screens and reading it through the Internet may not help all the time. Every person is different. My title is proven to be wrong because it only states ‘seeing’. There is more to that. There is actually ‘being’.

Unfortunately, not everyone is naturally born sympathetic, emphatetic, etc. Sometimes, factors can lead to a person having personal problems. I know this because I’ve been there. There is always a reason why a person has become ‘mean’ and I’m not saying this only from a schoolkid perspective. Even the ‘mean’ people out there in the actual world.

At the end of the day (and my rant) I could reflect that we should always be mindful in whatever we do. Maybe we may break a person’s day, or possibly his life, or maybe we could make them smile and inspire them to change? Do actions that you would like to see in the world. It is always a choice starting from oneself. We all have power within all of us… How are you going to use yours?

More power to you, flockmates! :D